Exploding kids

I never would have labeled Bumblebee as explosive.  Could she have tantrums?  Yes.  They were doozys.  But, I could generally ward them off.

She was shy.  Is shy.  Tearful.  Sweet.  Explosive?  Not exactly.

However, when I was (tearfully) venting about her episodes and my frustration to a friend, she mentioned the book "The Explosive Child", and at my wits end I picked it up.  What a book!  While I still didn't think "Explosive" was the best label for Bumblebee, I could certainly identify with what the book had to say.  The best thing was that it helped validate many of my parenting choices.  Most obviously, the fact that she gets away with a whole lot more than I'd allow her sister to get away with simply because she seems to need it.

Fast forward a year or so.  I was looking up books on food additives, and the title "What your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You" leapt off the shelf at me.  (Sidenote--why are books on emotionally difficult children and books on food additives and allergies and such so close together in the library?  They couldn't possibly be related, could they?)  I threw it in the bag.

Reading it, my mouth fell open.  It's not that explosive is the right term for Bumblebee.  It's not.  She's not a ticking time bomb.  She's never been as volatile as some of the cases referenced in these books.  However, I've had this description of her tearful tantrums.  That she doesn't seem to be fighting to be difficult.

In fact, there have been times when I get a good look in her eyes, and it felt as if she were caged animal fighting for her life.  We're talking a tantrum where she wanted the car parked in the driveway, and for some reason it had to be left on the street.  Or her sister sat on the right instead of the left.  Or I picked up Snowflake instead of Marigold when she asked for a stuffed animal.  Last straws that happen when she's already upset and we're on edge from her grumping.

I've told dh that it feels like she plans out her life, and when the slightest thing goes wrong, she seems to melt down.  "Take me home,"  "Fix it," "Squares!" (when the waffle has been inadvertently cut into triangles) etc.  Certain toys have a mysterious "magic" quality.  The quilt that brought great comfort is tainted from being spread on the wrong bed.

"Road map" tantrums, triggered by a child's internal "world road map" changing (and therefore "ending") describe this same observation.

They also reinforce that horrid habit I have, the one that draws the dirty looks and shaking heads at a grocery store.  The one that manages to procure one or two if not several "not my kid..."s under people's breath.  I don't immediately up and leave.  For her, this is rewarding the behavior.  It's good to read that I'm doing the right thing.  It's also good to read that it's okay to expose her to frequent routine changes, and that it's perfectly acceptable to quickly avoid an incident turning into a full blown tantrum.  She doesn't want to meltdown.  I don't want her to meltdown.  No one wants to be exposed to that.

The book did catch me by surprise with it's chapter on none-other than food related triggers.  They identify food colorings, preservatives, and CORN as top triggers.  Corn!  Corn allergy!  In a book!  Published recently!  I was nearly giddy.

I'm not sure the book provided any new tips, other than to reassure me that my instincts are right, and that we're on the right path (even if it feels bumpy, slow and indirect at times)  But I'm happy to see corn in a mainstream publication, and food triggered reactions getting more attention.  This book was not aimed at the homeopathic, granola crunching, yoga-class going moms.  Which means we're breaking into the mainstream.

Bumblebee's input?  She caught me reading the book.  Looked at the title, broke out in a huge grin and crushed it between us as she gave me a huge bear hug.  "Mommy!  You're going to understand me!" 

I only have a moment tonight. But I want to post a tidbit from a current read: "Our Stolen Future" by Colborn, Dumanoski and Myers.
On pg 191-192, they are discussing the potential effects of PCBs in contaminated fish on children whose parents ate said fish. A psychologist named Helen Daly has been studying behavioral changes in rats fed Lake Ontario fish. The expected results of her test (which involved feeding a small group of rats a diet 30% fish) was that the diet would turn them into dummies. It would affect their brains and intelligence level. This seems a plausible expectation for the consumption of toxic chemicals.
However, they found behavioral changes that were unexpected. While there were no signs of learning deficits, indicating that intelligence levels were not adversely effected, the rats showed distinct behavioral changes. Standard testing showed decreased activity.
This behavioral change has been demonstrated repeatedly.
Rats fed a diet of 30% contaminated fish (fish that have been raised in Lake Ontario) over react to even mildly negative situations. Daly describes them as "Hyper-reactive". When comparing hteir reactions to humans, Daly is quoted as stating "Every little stress will be magnified."
Some studies done on children with high known levels of exposure have indicated a possible correlation to human experience.

Does this remind anyone else of Sensory Processing/Integration Disorders? Or Highly Sensitive Children?

PCBs aren't only found in fish. They were used as plasticizing agents in paint, flexible plastic coating for electrical wires, caulking agents, dusting products, flame retardants, adhesives and pesticide extenders. They do not degrade readily, so are still present in our environment. They tend to accumulate in lakes and rivers, where they bind with plant life and are consumed by sea life. The higher the animal on the food chain, the higher the concentration of PCBs and other chemical contaminants. (Interesting side note: PCB production was taken over in 1929 by non other than our beloved Mons*nto, the GM corn giants.)

One of Daly's most disturbing findings is that pcb effects are seen in second generation rats. So if rat generation A eats PCB laden fish, generation B is affected, but fed only a carefully monitored diet of PCB free fish, the researchers are still seeing abnormal reactions in generation C.

In other words, what scientists unleashed on our grandparents is haunting us today. What we do with our bodies, wittingly or unwittingly, will continue to affect our grandchildren regardless of whether we are here to play a part in it.

Of course, this has nothing to do with corn. But it's interesting all the same.
In the end it's still just stress. Stress on our environment, stress on our bodies, stress on our children. However, these studies show that somehow we may be inhibiting their inborn ability to handle stressful situations.

This isn't an answer. But it sure seems like a significant piece of many puzzles our society faces.

Give that girl a gold star

"What?!? I don't get it," Bumblebee was snuggled up in my lap and is now scrunching up her eyebrows at my book.
Don't worry, it's an adult book, but not adult content! I'm reading "The Hundred Year Lie" and have hit the chapter on vitamins. I think I need to refrain from commenting out loud and reading random passages to my husband, at least in the hearing of little ears.

"At the level of molecules seen under an electron microscope, synthetic and natural vitamins may look similar to some chemists, but they don't assimilate the same way in the human body."

The above sentence is a direct quote from the page she's scratching her head over.

"What do they mean?" Bumblebee asks again. Hmm. How do I put that in seven year old speak?

"Well," I try, looking over the preceding paragraphs for guidance, "they take cornstarch and corn sugar and mix it up with chemicals until it looks like vitamin c under the microscope. And that's called synthetic, or fake, vitamin c. They did a study that says even though some synthetic, or fake, vitamins look the same under a microscope, they don't work the way vitamins in our food work."

She sits and thinks for awhile.
"So, they use a bunch of chemicals and make things that look like vitamins and smell like vitamins and taste like vitamins and feel like vitamins and sound like vitamins?"
"Um, yeah, essentially."
"And then they are surprised that they don't work like vitamins?"
"Yup, that's pretty much what that page is saying."
"But don't they know they're still chemicals? They aren't vitamins!"
"I know, but they look like vitamins under a microscope. So the scientists thought they'd be close enough."
"But they aren't."
"No," I acknowledge, "No, they aren't."
"I knew that," she says, "They're still chemicals. Only our food has real vitamins."
I agree with her.
"I'm seven and I'm smarter than a scientist," she ponders, "Maybe I can be a scientist when I grow up."
"That'd be nice," I tell her.
"And I'll draw my studies," she says, as if suddenly a problem is solved and everything has fallen into place.
"Okay," I smile at her. It is her life's ambition to be a "kid" artist so she won't have to grow up.
"Because an artist," she explains, "Is so busy all the time. Everyone wants pictures. Of themselves, and of pretty things. For like their windows, and their fridge, and everything! That's a lot of work. If I'm a scientist, I can still draw fun things and just maybe sell them for money."
Okay. This is priceless.
"And I can just do scientist stuff the rest of the time. Because no one wants anything from scientists. So, they aren't very busy. They just like, write books about their study and stuff. And maybe I'll draw pictures, because I'm good at drawing pictures."

I think that's a great idea.
I tell her that I hope she also remembers to think things through.

"Well, duh. I'm not going to forget that chemicals are NOT vitamins, even if I make them look like vitamins in a microscope." She tells me disparagingly.

That's my girl.
If anyone can take on the world and win, it's Bumblebee in righteous whirlwind mode.

((There was more to the conversation, and I may have gotten some of the wording slightly wrong. But I guarantee the heart of the matter is captured here.))